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"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear,
but forgetting where you heard it."
-Laurence J. Peter
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"Read not to contradict and confute,
nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider."
-Francis Bacon
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On a visit to Riga, Latvia, British Crown Prince Charles had a rather unusual encounter
with someone on the streets. A young lady slapped him in the face with a bunch of flowers.
Just like that. And a funny thing happened when I read about it.
I thought: About time, too!
But before I go into that reaction of mine, let's get the facts straight:
On the 8th November 2001 - the last day of his five-day Baltic tour - the
Prince was walking near a monument to Latvian independence.
He had stopped to talk to a group of children, when the
young woman stepped forward and hit him across the face with a bunch of flowers. (Originally
thought to be red roses, but later they turned out to be carnations.) As he flinched, his
assailant was grabbed by armed police and quickly driven away. He didn’t appear hurt and
resumed speaking to bystanders. Latvian authorities immediately offered the Prince their
apologies on behalf of their country.
Later they announced that the young woman would be charged under the 87th paragraph of their
criminal code - assaulting a foreign dignitary. (The fact that they have this offense specified
in their criminal code is interesting: apparently they have had
to deal with this kind of thing before!)
The obvious question was: Why did she do this? I mean - under Latvian law this could cost her
no less than fifteen years in prison! According to the newspapers, this was her way to protest
against Britain's role in the war in Afghanistan. It seems she shouted "The war is wrong!", and
something like "Britain is the enemy of the world!"
I don't know if she targeted Prince Charles because there was no one else from Britain to assault,
or because she saw him as a symbol of Britain (which, of course, he is...). But if she had
wanted to be politically correct (an interesting term in this respect), she would of course
have had to direct her protest at a man like Tony Blair, the U.K.'s Prime Minister. O.K., Tony
was not available in Riga, and Charles was. So I suppose it's a matter of availability.
But, as I indicated above, I don't mind her picking on "the wrong man". Because, as far as I am
concerned, when it comes to a woman slapping a man, Charles is definitely not "the wrong man".
I think he deserves to be slapped by a woman. In fact, I think having a woman slapping him was
justified, and was even long overdue.
Oh, come on - you know what I mean, don't you? Look at Charles - you know, the man who used to
be married to one of the world's loveliest women (the late Diana, Princess of Wales), and
who didn't appreciate it...
The man who had a total disregard for the bonds of his own marriage, and for those of the
marriage of two of his best friends. The man who, instead of showering affections on his own
lovely wife, pursued another married woman - a much older one than his own wife.
The man who, long before he and Diana split up, told Camilla Parker-Bowles:
"I want to be reincarnated as your tampon."
A British magazine commented on this statement in 1991:
"Not recommended as a pickup line. Kids, don't try this at home." Apart from the moral
aspects, one cannot escape the conclusion that the man has a funny idea of how to be
romantic. In fact, I'm convinced he doesn't know what love or romance is at all.
Some time ago I watched a documentary about his marriage to the Princess of Wales,
and I noticed that when they were interviewed by the press on the event of their engagement,
reporters asked: "Are you very much in love?" Upon which Diana smiled broadly and replied
in the positive. But Charles replied: "Whatever that is." I just mean to say: If you want to
be an ass, then the best way to do it, is probably to decide marrying a loving, sensitive
woman whom you don't love. It should be forbidden. It's a capital offence, as far as I am
concerned.
As far as fairytales go, Charles had the potential for one in his hands when he married.
He was marrying a gorgeous woman who was crazy about him (why she was, is beyond me,
but there you go: love is blind, isn't it...). A woman who would have made him very happy if he
had just reciprocated that love. But he had to spoil it, didn't he?
I cannot blame the majority of the British public for preferring Prince William, the eldest son
of Charles and Diana, as their future king. O.K., I know: at fifty or something Charles must
be the best-prepared Crown Prince the British have ever had. But should you make someone king
who is so ... well, I can't even find the words to describe it. Words fail me when trying to
describe his stupidity. Anyway, about the British public. I read poll results that showed that
the majority of the British public, when asked about Charles' relationship with Camilla, thought
that he could continue his relationship with her, but should leave the position of king to his son,
William. And, to be complete, if he did become king, 75 percent thought Camilla should not
become Queen at his side.
But I'm getting side-tracked. To sum things up: Prince Charles was stupid enough to marry a
lovely woman who loved him, but whom he did not love. He treated her badly and cheated
on her. And he does not even know how to show respect for the dead, for he hasn't even been
to show his respects at Diana's grave. (That's a bit difficult, I suppose, if you didn't show
someone respect in this life, to do it after she is gone. But nonetheless it's an indication
of what a cold-hearted man he is.) I already knew what Charles was like from many documentaries
on TV, but I was still shocked when I read what Diana's brother, Earl Spencer, said on BBC's 5
Live Radio: "Prince Charles has an open invitation to [Diana's] memorial but as yet he has not
paid a visit." He continued: "It may be that he sees her as an ex-wife." (Well, that would be
true, but doesn't the woman who initially loved him, deserve better?) "He has said in
the past that he wishes to draw a line under what happened and it may be for this reason that
he has not visited. It is of no consequence to me. I am not a person who sits and thinks about
Prince Charles a great deal." I have a hard believing the latter remark, because if that were so,
he wouldn't have said what he said. Clearly he does think about Prince Charles. And not highly.
According to a newspaper reporter, a spokesman at St. James's Palace refused to comment on the
remarks (which is probably the wisest reaction under the circumstances), except to say that it
was "a personal and private matter for the Prince of Wales." Yes, it is. And we already know
how he treats personal matters. (For purposes of comparison: Prince William paid several visits
to his mother's grave at Althorp, including on the day that would have been her 40th birthday
on July 1, 2001.)
So, concluding, I'd like to repeat: I don't mind Charles being slapped by a woman. It should
have been done long before November 2001. Not for the reasons it was done in Riga, but for
better reasons. Not that it helps, probably. The man doesn't seem to have any feelings. And no,
what he does to or with Camilla does not have to be love. One could see it as only acting on
his sex drive. It does not necessarily mean he has emotions like love. I thought of that when
I read the results of a British opinion poll, in which the people were asked whether the
British Royal Family should have better explained their feelings to the British people after
the death of the Princess of Wales. 51% of the British people questioned about this thought
they should have done more to explain their feelings. (Perhaps you'll remember that there was
criciticism on the Royals when for days after Diana's death they didn't even bother to
fly the royal palace flags at half-mast. Only when they found out from the media what damage they were doing
by not showing this kind of respect, the flags were finally lowered to fly at half-mast.). But in order to explain
your feelings, you have to have feelings. Right? And Charles comes from a family that doesn't seem to have
them. True, that's a pity for him. But it's worse for her whose life he ruined by being so cold-hearted and disloyal.
Ah, that feels better. I've wanted to get this off my chest for a long time. Ever since
I heard how this man treated his lovely wife. And especially since Diana's funeral. He may not
have shed any tears for her, but I have. Yes, I'm a man, just like Charles. No, strike that.
I don't think I am like Charles. I'm a man, admitted. But I do like to think I'm a different
man than Charles, at least in this respect. He may be a Prince, but he's not a "prince
among men", as far as I'm concerned. So if you're ever in the area when he's making a public
appearance, please feel free to slap him in the face with flowers.
Any kind of flowers...
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Disclaimer
This column is only for the purpose of entertaining, educating or
giving food for thought. Any persons, characters, countries, institutions or groups
mentioned are - as a matter of principle - fictional: any resemblance to existing ones is
purely by chance. ;-)
If the content of this column offends anyone, please accept the
columnist's apologies: no offense was intended.
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column noun
1a: a vertical arrangement of items on a page
b: a vertical section of a printed page
c: an accumulation arranged vertically
d: a department or feature (as of humor, sports,
literary reviewing, or gossip) in a newspaper or periodical, under a permanent
title and generally reflecting the writer's individual tastes and point of view.
2: a supporting pillar
3: a form, structure, or formation shaped like a column
(Webster's Dictionary.)
Relevant reads:
Charles at Fifty
The Diana Years: Celebrating the Unique Magic of the Princess of Wales
Diana's Boys: William and Harry and the Mother They Loved
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