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"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear,
but forgetting where you heard it."
-Laurence J. Peter
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"Read not to contradict and confute,
nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider."
-Francis Bacon
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Are you a regular flyer? Then youīre bound to have had an experience similar to mine. Or you may even have
caused someone else to have a similar experience.
Not so long ago I took an intercontinental flight to the U.S. I had done that before, but this time was different.
The plane was completely full, not one seat was vacant.
On entering the plane and arriving at my seat, I was unpleasantly surprised to find that the seat next to me
was taken by a rather large lady. I really donīt have many objections to large ladies, but this one occupied more
than just her seat. In order to be able to sit there at all, she had had to lift the arm rest between her seat
and mine. And that was no luxury, for she occupied even that bit of space completely.
She was not the biggest person I had ever seen, but definitely the biggest person I had ever had sitting in an
airplane seat next to mine!
Now, before you form an opinion as to the direction this story is taking, please know this: I myself am not
slim at all. In fact, I have calculated that I need to loose about 37 pounds. So, although saying Iīm obese
would not be accurate, Iīm heavy enough to at least have some sympathy for big, heavy people. But, however heavy
or overweight I may be, my waist line and other bodily features do not cause fellow travelers any trouble.
As far as I know. :-)
Anyhow, sitting down wasnīt easy. And of course that was not the end of the difficulties. Since my left arm
had "nowhere to go", or at least not right next to the rest of my body, I had one arm and one shoulder
sort of sticking out towards the seat in front of me. That is, as you will understand, not an easy position
to travel in. And certainly not for eight or so hours. And it got worse. Have you, for example, ever tried to
eat with knife and fork, with one elbow in front of you instead of at your side? I can assure you it is
no easy task!
As you can imagine, I spent part of the flight contemplating what measures airlines could take to avoid
this kind of inconvenience for their not-so-big passengers. I considered the possibility of having them
take two seats instead of one. Or of having them fly business class, where the seats are bigger. At a price,
of course.
But the thought of having big people pay extra, also raises another question. Although my idea clearly was that
the average passenger should not be punished by and for having to fly with large fellow passengers, the question
that now presented itself was whether large passengers should be punished financially for being so large.
This, of course, opened an interesting but rather difficult line of thought. Because, if you say "yes" to the
question wether large passengers should be punished financially for being so big, you may be convicting
innocent people to unnecessarily big financial burdens. After all, being big is not always the personīs
own fault. There can be something in the genes, there can be a metabolism problem, etc. Should we also
punish these innocent people for being large? I have difficulty saying "yes" to that.
So, if we would want to let people pay for being big if it is their own fault, we create another
problem. How the hell do we find out if itīs their own fault or not?
I read somewhere that airlines are contemplating charging big people who do not fit in one seat something extra.
I wonder how theyīre going to tackle that problem!
In the example I gave from my own experience, I think there was hardly any question about whose fault it was.
The very first time the cabin attendant (whatever happened to the word "stewardess", by the way?)
appeared with drinks and snacks, my neighbour said one or two words, and to my astonishment that was quite
enough for the cabin attendant to give her everything double for the rest of the flight!
Two bags of peanuts instead of one, two drinks at a time, etc. I couldnīt believe it!
Here was someone who was obviously used to eating and drinking a lot, and who mastered the art of making other
people an accomplice to the fact in the wink of an eye.
With the uncomfortable situation in the plane still fresh in my mind, I arrived in my hotel. I unpacked,
undressed and went to the bathroom. To my surprise it had life-size mirrors everywhere. And to my horror I
saw my own flabby bodily features displayed there in all their "glory"! It was all I needed to be very careful
in choosing my food, and after two weeks I returned home a little thinner than I was when I left.
No extra airline charges for this (somewhat flabby) flyer!
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Disclaimer
This column is only for the purpose of entertaining, educating or
giving food for thought. Any persons, characters, countries, institutions or groups
mentioned are - as a matter of principle - fictional: any resemblance to existing ones is
purely by chance. ;-)
If the content of this column offends anyone, please accept the
columnist's apologies: no offense was intended.
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column noun
1a: a vertical arrangement of items on a page
b: a vertical section of a printed page
c: an accumulation arranged vertically
d: a department or feature (as of humor, sports,
literary reviewing, or gossip) in a newspaper or periodical, under a permanent
title and generally reflecting the writer's individual tastes and point of view.
2: a supporting pillar
3: a form, structure, or formation shaped like a column
(Webster's Dictionary.)
Relevant reads:
Airwise: The Essential Guide for Frequent Flyers
How to Flip Your Flab Forever
Body Defining: Drop Pounds, Firm Flab and Maximize Lean Muscle Lines
in Just Six Short Weeks
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