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"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear,
but forgetting where you heard it."
-Laurence J. Peter
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"Read not to contradict and confute,
nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider."
-Francis Bacon
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One of the first things I noticed when I initially set out to drive a car in Britain in 1978 or 1979,
was the relatively polite behaviour of British motorists. In my own country, I knew, people flashed their
headlights to say "Get out of my way". But the British motorists I saw flashing their headlights, meant to
give way to others. Quite the difference. Of course not everyone was like that. And over the years it seems
to have changed somewhat as well, and not for the better. With more traffic and more queues,
drivers seem to start behaving less and less politely.
And thatīs not the only thing. They also seem to start behaving less sensibly and safely. In fact, Iīve noticed it getting
worse as the British economy was getting better. For instance, young people who in the past wouldnīt have had the money to buy a car,
now have the funds to do so. And unfortunately, some of them are the kind of show-offs that just want to go fast.
And then thereīs the yups (young urban professionals). I know, the word itself is already outdated, but there are
ever more young urban professionals, and most of them have cars. And not just any kind of car - no, preferably
expensive-looking models. Iīll give you an example.
I saw one on a beautiful day on the M4, between Bristol and Reading.
An expensive, light blue Peugeot convertible, brand new. Top down. Young woman behind the steering wheel.
(No, this is not a protest against women drivers - just against those who use their car as their boudoir.)
Very, very conscious of the fact that everyone was looking at her car. But apparently that wasnīt enough.
She was still in the process of moving from one lane to the other, with a traffic queue in sight, slowing down, and
eventually braking, when she decided her own appearance needed some attention. Whether it was just her own
attention it needed, or everyone elseīs, I donīt know. But she got both. While driving, she turned her mirror and
applied some mascara. Then lipstick. Her cheeks must have been fine, for she skipped those.
And finally she did her hair. She first flicked it high up in the air behind her,
and then back, knowing full well that by now hardly anyone was watching the traffic.
Everyone was watching her long, dark hair and her flashy blue car, and how she weaved in and out of queues and lanes.
Iīll admit that I was one of the people watching this. But while I was watching, I wistfully thought back to the time,
over twenty years ago, when all you saw on British roads was a collection of Vauxhall Cavaliers,
much-used Ford Escorts and
Cortinas, 
overaged Hillman Avengers, battered, vintage Morris Minors,
and cheap Chevettes (the latter was the car I myself drove at the time).
And very few convertibles.
There werenīt so many motorways then, but peopleīs motorway manners seemed a lot better.
(Itīs pretty sad, for instance, when on a long drive, between Exeter and London,
about the only cars that seem to adhere exactly to the speed limit, are your own car and a car
with a royal license plate.) And at the time, the roads werenīt full of people flaunting their capital,
their cars, their bodies, and what not. Allright, so Iīm exaggerating. Perhaps Iīm just jealous.
Beneath my respectable, middle-class exterior thereīs someone who secretly would like to trade his ten year old
Japanese family estate car, his bank account with overdraught, and his overweight body, for a shiny new
convertible, a nice balance at the bank, and a body that asks to be flaunted - and enough wealth to ignore speed
limits now and then, and pay the tickets without even blinking. But Iīm not going to get that, am I?
So Iīll stick to my respectable behaviour, my old Mazda and my old-fashioned motorway manners.
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Disclaimer
This column is only for the purpose of entertaining, educating or
giving food for thought. Any persons, characters, countries, institutions or groups
mentioned are - as a matter of principle - fictional: any resemblance to existing ones is
purely by chance. ;-)
If the content of this column offends anyone, please accept the
columnist's apologies: no offense was intended.
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column noun
1a: a vertical arrangement of items on a page
b: a vertical section of a printed page
c: an accumulation arranged vertically
d: a department or feature (as of humor, sports,
literary reviewing, or gossip) in a newspaper or periodical, under a permanent
title and generally reflecting the writer's individual tastes and point of view.
2: a supporting pillar
3: a form, structure, or formation shaped like a column
(Webster's Dictionary.)
Relevant reads:
Bad Girl's Guide to the Open Road
Book link
Responsible Driving
Drive to Survive!
How to Talk Your Way out of a Traffic Ticket
Off the Motorway: A Handy Guide to Facilities and Places to See Just off the Country's Motorways
Road Trip USA: Cross-Country Adventures on America's Two-Lane Highways
License to Drive
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