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"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear,
but forgetting where you heard it."
-Laurence J. Peter
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"Read not to contradict and confute,
nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider."
-Francis Bacon
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You may have noticed that this column is in the English language. But there is something very confusing about English. Someone once wrote: “The world speaks English – what else would it speak?”, and it is not difficult to guess what his nationality was. But with other speakers of the language, one can sometimes not be so sure. The language may be called English, but does an English speaker really speak “English English”, or “British English”, as some dictionaries call it?
I myself am not a native Englishman or American – I like to think of myself as “near-native”, as it is sometimes called, but that is as far as it goes. Not being a native English speaker has both advantages and disadvantages, like everything in life. My English has been influenced by English English, American English, Welsh English, and lots of non-English aspects from my background. Which makes my accent something a lot of people cannot recognise at all. They do know I do not sound like them, and therefore I must be foreign, but they just can’t put a finger on the exact origin. And I admit, I like them guessing a bit before revealing where I am from. :-)
The result being, of course, that the British are inclined to think I’m American, and that the Americans tend to say ‘You’re English, aren’t you?’ – the latter being regarded as a compliment by me, and the former being slightly frustrating, since my friends and family generally regard me as a British-oriented anglophile, which is a description I prefer myself. I have even been “accused” of being Welsh or Irish. (I suppose that is not so bad as it sounds. I happen to like the Welsh, and I suppose they must have influenced my way of speaking English just as much as my English and American friends and acquaintances have.)
But the question is: There are differences between British English, American English, etcetera, but does it matter? Practically speaking, it shouldn’t. English is English. Right? Well, no. Put, for instance, a British English speaker and an American English speaker together, and you can get incredibly funny misunderstandings. You should have seen the face of one of my American friends, for instance, when an Englishman said he would be giving us “Faggots and peas” for our evening meal. It took some explaining before the American understood that the English are not cannibals and/or gay bashers who eat the flesh of homosexuals with green peas. And, to give you another example, an English businessman I know was an hour too late for an appointment of his at “half ten”, not realising that the Americans mean “half an hour before ten” by that, whereas the British mean “half an hour past ten” when they say that. And a relative of mine, who lived in the United States for years, thought she had returned to the age and time of Buffalo Bill when an Englishman told her that for getting around in Britain “the coach” was the cheapest form of transportation. It took her some time to find out that this man was simply talking about taking a bus, and that he had not intended her to use a stage-coach or post chaise. So just for the sake of clarity, it would be good if people spoke the same kind of English – or at least understood eachother’s kind of English.
And what about image? Appearances do matter to many people, don’t they? Take, for instance, the popular British tv series “Keeping up appearances”. The main character, Mrs. Bucket, has people pronouncing her very ordinary last name as “Bouquet” – thereby making a lasting impression on everyone (be it not the one she intended…). That alone makes watching the series worth it.
But, despite all these considerations, I cannot change the fact that English speakers all over the world do not speak the same kind of English. And perhaps that’s just as well, for it might make the world more boring if everyone spoke the same. But in the meantime, I will attempt to stick to the kind of English I favour – English English. And please feel free to correct me if I don’t!
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column noun
1a: a vertical arrangement of items on a page
b: one of two or more vertical sections of a printed page
c: an accumulation arranged vertically
d: a specific department or feature (as of humor, sports,
literary reviewing, or gossip) in a newspaper or periodical, under a permanent
title and generally reflecting the writer's individual tastes and point of view.
2: a supporting pillar
3: a form, structure, or formation shaped like a column
(Webster's Third New International Dictionary.)
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